I’m currently filling out a summer program application, and in writing about my weaknesses, something clicked.
For me, an introvert, communicating with extraverts usually starts out okay, but quickly turns into a generally downward spiral. I find that I can feed off other introverts’ energies and we can bounce into a happy, elongated banter or hangout or whatever…but with extraverts, I just feel as if I’m being preyed on. Like my energy is being fed off of, and not returned in any way…displaced into something parallel to heat energy coming about in a kinetic energy reaction. Lost and eventually turned into some indistinguishable form.
Not to say that I don’t love people—I do. But I can only take so much before I become throughly exhausted, which is sad. But this winter break has been living proof that it’s possible to push those limits.
Conclusion: I really need a nap.
Spent the day hanging out with WCEC + C4 kiddos, first lunching at pho with my home church friends, then saying hi to everyone at the Vine campus, then taking pictures of the nerf gun war that was going on, and then chatting with the girls, and then grabbing some boba (taro, I have missed you dearly), and then listening to the guys jam for a bit, and then getting dinner with a sizable group (too much food…), and then jamming some more and having an all out worship session.
That last part is the resonating memory for today. It’s so precious, sitting in the near-dark with the people I’ve learned to love and call my brothers and sisters, eyes closed, singing every possible praise song that comes to mind, really reveling and being able to say a meager “thank you” for all God has blessed us with in our lives.
A tiny taste of heaven.
In direct opposition to my NYR post, I have to wholeheartedly admit that Luxirare leads the most beautiful, worldly, but incredible life I have ever witnessed (albeit not in person). I am still as ridiculously jealous as when I first started following her blog…it’s one of the few things that makes me want to completely succumb to materialism and everything ephemeral in life.
Ah, balance. Maybe it’s a good thing I stopped following fashion/art blogs during my first semester, though that was more out of being busy rather than a conscious decision. A habit to (primarily) keep? Hmm…
new year’s resolutions: 2012
1) To revel in pleasures that don’t require money.
- e.g. the fact that it is snowing right now, at home, finally!
- when have I ever needed to spend money to have fun with friends?
2) To fix and grow myself, with His guidance.
- read more literature, Christian and non.
- DT/QTs each day and finish the last bit of 2011’s Bible in a year!
3) Be thankful. Cherish each day in college; and vice versa, at home.
- start and end the day focused on what matters in my life
- journal consistently, reflect constantly
- if I am spending money —> things that make me happy, which I inevitably will be, realize it. it doesn’t make much sense written out, but awareness and gratitude are key…I don’t think I really grasp how much of a sacrifice my spending is to my parents.
Vague, and two days premature, but there will certainly be more to add to the list…must go play guitar now though, it doesn’t seem right to just sit here churning out ideas, leaving so many other things that could be done, undone.
Snowboard to this version of this song.
There’s a strange sense of relief that comes when finally, after precariously trekking around with my DSLR for months/years, I purchase lens filters. Of course they’re not foolproof and only do so much for my lenses, but getting them in the mail and opening the packaging and being able to admire how perfect a simple sheet of glass can be? No substitute. But even better is the actual act of twisting them on, securing the armor after a careful wipe down…golden.
I’m a really careful person for the most part, but having that extra safety blanket is so nice, so satisfying. It’s like I can rest at peace, since my most prized possession is now taken care of. Since all we really want in life is some sense of security, right?
Oh well, back to guitar :) Imminent threat of Carpal Tunnel, you cannot phase me! Actually you can, and very much do, but I will ignore you anyway.