Learning lifelong habits. How to handle jealousy and unfounded curiosity…and how to deal with yourself when you realize that you sometimes do really like math (—> stay up late and do more homework while the phase lasts!).
There are also two other things I noticed today:
1) This thing, this “journal,” has turned slightly sensored. I can’t write about everything I would like to without a filter since in the end, even though there are no public links leading here, both people I know and don’t know are finding this daily. Not to say I want to be vulgar or write about other things, since I think this blog is a really accurate depiction of what floats around in my mind at any given moment…but again, a depiction. In the end, never the complete thing.
2) I can’t remember the other thing I wanted to say. But that’s all right. Oh, and today was my first day doing praise band on Sundays. We’re in overflow for a few months I think, but I kind of prefer it that way. It’s a nice assimilation into the real world, haha.
I think what I wanted to originally say had to do with the fact that I noticed…that I have a purpose and reason to live. That there are things backing my every action and pursuit. And I was thinking a while ago about how sad it is, existing without a meaning. Chasing every seasonal fad even though we all know it brings no lasting fulfillment. Fickle living. I’m scared of commitment and hate being bound to one thing, but even I can understand why it’s important to be grounded in truth. In veritas, in stable absolutes.
With that said…I have totally breached my bedtime. Must move past that bad habit of thinking that naps justify a full night’s worth of sleep. Mmm.
Slowly pushing myself back on track. Definitely falling short of my own expectations, but hey. Work in progress. Philippians 1:6 :)