Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep — Tom Read
I don’t know why, still I try
To wrap my mind around You
Your thoughts are higher, Your ways are better
And I’m in awe.
So bring me up to where You are,
Bring me up to where You are.
I don’t know why, still I try
To bring something of worth
My words are fleeting
They’re flawed, depleting
And you’re leaving me in awe
Bring me up to where You are, God,
Bring me up to where You are.
(Source: Spotify)
11:53
(Source: Spotify)
02:16
Tonight’s InterPraise was haunting and beautiful and passionate and a wonderful challenge to my thinking. A lot of good doors reopened and things were brought to my attention that I had half-considered but never fully processed, but which are useful for reinforcing/clarifying my beliefs and convictions. I haven’t had the chance to sort through everything, but I think the overall sentiment I get is, blessed.
A summer opportunity door has also opened, and I am thankful. At this point I’m not quite sure what God wants me to be doing, nor do I feel like this immediately fits in the puzzle piece spot that I have envisioned, but having a few options is encouraging. In the span of five hours God has revealed a lot about how He wants to challenge me to expand my heart and my scope of ministry, and this summer thing definitely aligns with this kind of vision…but more on that as things start to come together.
In the meantime, I feel incredibly fortunate to find myself in the midst of a college campus that has such a strong Christian community. There is a lot more work to be done, of course, but I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of it. My immediate prayer request is that this night the theme of “in the world but not of it” would be something I take to heart seriously; that although the message is so familiar, InterPraise will have reverberating effects in my life and won’t ultimately fall flat as one of those nice Christian times and that’s it.
Ah…it’s one of those nights where I want to stay up until dawn and do something, get started on everything; but know that I need to sleep and be responsible in stewarding the good health I have been given. I’ll try to coax out that maturity (one of the things that would never have happened a year ago, weird). Good night, world :).
(Source: Spotify)
09:39
Currently spending this beautiful Friday morning at Caffe Strada listening to All Sons & Daughters’ just-released live album…it captures such a raw sense of excitement and earnest passion. So good :)
Every time I see the year “2013” next to new albums on Spotify, it catches me off guard. We’re in the year 2013? I still feel like 2008 was just last year (basically I have thought Dark Knight was released “only 3 months ago!” for about 5 years), I still feel like high school was just last year. But then in a moment of pause, it comes back to blunt realization that two years have passed since I committed to Cal, since I visited for the overnight stay program and unpacked my luggage in U3’s Norton Hall and gaped at the sparkling water right outside my window, since I breathed in the Bay Area and could not believe that this was going to be my new home for four years.
Four semesters gone by, and I find myself in a completely different state of mind than I ever could have realized when I first came here. To note just one thing: yesterday, dealing with the aftermaths of one of my many recent cognitive planning failures (sigh), it hit me that the degree of conviction I feel towards things that would never have swayed my moral compass even a year ago is startling. And it hit me that my life is a lot richer as a result of the little ways God has helped me choose Him above my peripheral desires over the past few semesters, how He has shown me that there is a lot of joy in limiting myself for other people and in trusting Him. That, although I find myself discouraging on a regular basis, there has been something changing, and there has really been a Savior slowly picking up 18 years of mess and mending me, one shard of glass at a time.
In no way am I the person I wish I were, but moments like this, small pauses in my schedule that allow me to reflect and have a glimpse at really how much has already changed…I’m really thankful. I know this is a tired old subject that I keep repeating here, but it’s just so undeniably real and true, something that will never cease to amaze me. To think that God could take this self-destructing girl who found her only sense of atonement in punishing herself for her imperfections, into someone who can actually experience joy? Unreal.
Are your college years really the best in your life? Well, I still have halfway left of the journey to go, but I can confidently say that it is a resounding, YES, if you will take the risk and really give God the benefit of the doubt, the benefit of the doubt despite all the hypocritical tendencies of people in the world, and explore the idea that we are all equally broken people, and just see what amazing things He can work in your life.
Lord, I find You in the seeking
Lord, I find You in the doubt
And to know You is to love You
And to know so little else
Lord, I find You in the morning
Lord, I seek You every day
Let my life be for Your glory
Woven in Your threads of grace
I need You, oh, how I need You.
(Source: Spotify)
23:31
I am a sinner, if it’s not one thing it’s another
Caught up in words, tangled up in lies
You are the Savior and you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful.
I have no more excuses, no more justifications. Made clear once again: I am a sinner through and through, and my bitterness is just the result of my ungrateful, entitled heart. I have nothing else I can say in defense…because there is no defense.
I don’t see the beauty in me yet, and it’s hard to picture it developing; but I can hope on it, count on it, on the promise of Philippians 1:6, the vision of Jacob’s life as the ladder in Genesis 28:12. If God can and did make something beautiful out of Jacob the grasper, the deceiver, the ignoble…then surely He can do the same in me. If only I will desire it, if only I will want it.
“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
— Jeremiah 29:13
(Source: Spotify)
Breathe in me Your life
I can feel You are close now
I can never hide
You are here and You know me
All I need is You
And I love You
I love You
I love You
I love You
Breathe in me Your life
‘Til Your love overtakes me
Open up my eyes
Let me see You more clearly
Falling on my knees
‘Til I love like You love
Like You love me
I love You
(Source: Spotify)
00:42
Everything, all I am and all I have to bring
I will give to You my everything
All I am and all I have to bring—
And I will follow, my heart surrenders
My Jesus, I am Yours
(Source: Spotify)
20:59
I’ve found a love greater than life itself
I’ve found a hope stronger and nothing compares
I once was lost; now, I’m alive in You.
(Source: Spotify)
