A successful day of waking up sore from yesterday’s runs, forgiving myself, calling my dad, training the new hires, finally using my expiring American Apparel Groupon, cooking dinner with G, triple chocolate cake pops/balls, streaming the Les Miserables 10th anniversary soundtrack, organizing schedules and homework plans, precious time spent with the indirect roommates, and trying to chug through my history readings while dozing in and out of naps.
Discipleship rally tomorrow morning, and my last free (“free”) Sunday before Element starts back up…busy week ahead, but better busy than without purpose!
- Inspired by the Future of Forestry tour album to start using film again. Okay go.
- The satisfaction I get from post-vacuuming is starting to rival that of soreness after running. Weird how accomplished I feel after finishing my chores.
- Slowly but very surely getting caught up with all my work. By last week’s standards I’m in good shape, but I’m trying to change my own expectations for myself…
- My sin is contagious and spreads, translates to other people. Starting to learn how to really repent and humble myself through this, blah. Still have a ways to go.
- Apartment building dinner: now! I’m also finding that although I am really busy, …there’s always more time to be squeezed out of a day. My mom used to tell me this all the time, but I’m definitely seeing it more in action now.
- Trying to do more things I don’t want to, to love other people more.
- S’s broccoli quiche. I’m so ready.
Today: serious morning, enriching afternoon, fun evening. A balance I don’t see often these days. Macaroons, poppy-seed bagels, purple ballpoint, Kofman Auditorium, watermelon slushy, Megamind, five pages of journaling, guitar re-stringing, fighting bad internet service, maxi dresses, bandaids, hoodies, the beanbag, old friends, new friends, shedding those hours of training myself to resist hehe-ing and just laughing like normal. Laughing, everyone laughing, everything perfect. What it feels like to be freed from a need to impress, to just forget yourself and exist and be and enjoy good company and smile again.
Blessed, as always. What a lucky girl I am. As always.
1) Always humbled whenever I do something music-related. I have so much to learn, but it’s great. I’m glad.
2) Must have guests over more. It teaches me hospitality better than anything else could; doing instead of planning. Hoping to make this a frequent happening in the fall.
3) Five’s company. :)
4) Prayer & praise night, round two. I’m so grateful to be in the company of such passionate, dedicated people. Praying for an increased capacity to love, and to learn the most I can from these upperclassmen and the (newly) graduated in particular.
5) Live in such a way: be the first to serve, last to sit down. Do uncomfortable things…suffering (or more accurately, “suffering,” when compared to old times, really) can lead to beautiful things.
6) It’s really late/early. Ah.
Long day. Couldn’t wake up for class, again—this is becoming a legitimate problem—but finally managed to drag myself out of bed to go to work. Weird client issue and I almost forgot how to roam around the lab, but it was nice aligning myself to a schedule yet again. It helps life run smoother, when I know what I’m supposed to be doing and where I’m supposed to be for at least some specific time slots in the day…
Ate lunch afterwards at DL, where it was completely silent, which is a rarity and a little strange, but so nice. Studied for a few hours, some friends dropped by, the environment got progressively more distracting (but so precious, I’ve missed the chaotic study parties), and then headed out to 7-11 for Free Slurpee Day, and then to Bluenote.
Guitars…it’s always a mistake to go. I make a lot of excuses to visit (today, I needed to buy new strings. True, but not really) and always pretend to have never been there so I can ask basic questions about the models and get on the owner’s good side…and then he pulled out the Eastman E8OM and the E10OM and it was over, as always.
Aahh. I can’t wait to get my hands on one of them, preferably the E8OM…after so many trips I’m pretty sure it’s perfect…so beautiful, with the richest tone. No other words to describe it. Pretty much the reason why I wanted to/am working in the summer.
But anywayyyyz. Came home and cooked dinner from scratch for the first time here! I’m spoiled with food at home so everything is a challenge (hence why I have been living off raw veggies and fruit for the past week and a half) but it was about time I stepped out of my bubble. The end product was a portobello mushroom + broccoli + peas + carrot fried rice, which I will eat for lunch tomorrow, hehe. Cooking is a lot of fun, but I know I definitely only have this luxury to experiment and mess around since it’s summer. Hoping to perfect some staple recipes before school starts so I won’t starve, heh (C, if you’re reading this, I can make rice now! :p Teach me something!).
And now I’m back to my usual position, sitting on the living room floor with guitar things sprawled everywhere and low motivation to study…even if apartment life is new and shiny and foreign right now, it’s so true that some things never change. I think that I just gotta keep my mind focused on the fact that I’m paying extra to be taking class right now, and my GPA would be nice and cushy if I got an A in this class; and overall just to count my blessings daily so I don’t get complacent…always the struggle. Arah rah rah.
Blessed day, just want to jot down some memories from it before I finish cramming my reading for NST 10 and then go to bed:
- 9.5 hours of sleep, even if this did mean missing class
- Realizing the shirt A gave me matches perfectly with my weird blue shorts
- C’s beyond delicious peach/mixed berry cobbler
- S playing the ever-considerate, fun friend per usual and studying together at DL
- Seeing a bunch of faces that I miss. Why do you girls live so far?
- Future of Forestry’s new album, Young Man Follow (so good.)
- Shalley & Crazy Horse sushi rolls and a <10min wait!
- Powerful prayer meeting lead by Kelly. Grounding and much needed.
- Second praise practice; everything is coming together and I’m excited to hear the band’s hard work on Sunday! But also way grateful I’m not going to be up there until a few months from now
- S playing the Cookie Monster version of ‘Call Me Maybe’…hilarity and dancing ensues :)
- Late-night roomie chats about different upbringings and perspectives
- Making salad w/ peaches + strawberries as a midnight snack
- Clean desk, clean floors, clean bathroom, clean apartment
Can I stay here forever?
For the past 11 years or so, I’ve spent all my fourth of July-s away from home, usually at the New York Summer Conference or, one year, in Nova Scotia. This time of year has always been associated with traveling and the spiritual high I usually got during the five-day conference, so being away from the East Coast and not attending for the first time in a while…it’s different.
Back from Elizabethtown—remember when going to retreats always reminded you of the Orlando Bloom/Kirsten Dunst film? Innocent days.
Anyway I’ve been sick but it only really started acting up again yesterday and thus my stomach is back to being weak, so I stayed up last night puking my guts into Ober Residence Hall’s newly renovated bathroom toilets. Always good. And then my hairtie broke and I ran out of my favorite floss. Rested all this morning though I now wish I had forced myself to just pull through the last few hours of our stay.
On the plus side, this was the first year in a really, extraordinarily long time sans drama. Hate that word since it stereotypes everything and is a big understatement in my opinion, but there’s no other way to condense all the church problems I have dealt with annually into a single word.
Feeling at peace. Being at home is sobering. Have I mentioned that? Sobering but I’m glad I’m not disillusioned. That would be worse in the long run.
Had to pause my Bible reading due to retreat, too :(. I tried pushing through some of it yesterday during free time but there were too many distractions and people around and I wasn’t really processing anything. It’s better this way, though. I can be a little less legalistic haha. So I’m extending my plan to encompass my trip in China—I want to finish before I’m back in Berkeley. And that was really always the original plan (if I finish before China I won’t have the resources to start on the deeper studies I’m planning either, so this works out. I hope).
Oh, and something worth mentioning: Ezekiel is a pretty random book to be in and so I was thinking how cool it’d be if our speaker used a verse from there. And…Lo and behold, the first verse he spoke from DID come from Ezekiel and was a direct parallel to where I had stopped reading right before we had praise team practice directly leading into the first message. So crazy, I got a real kick out of that hehe.
Been having a lot more vivid dreams than usual. One of them tormented me the whole night, had to deal with how I was the random person picked to be the ultimatum/killed in a death threat for someone else. It was really confusing but terrifying since it focused on me being highly traceable due to my strong online presence. Had a slight security meltdown when I woke up, but no real Internet access in E-town so I couldn’t do anything about it…now I’m feeling back to normal but it’s probably a good idea to go through all my settings again sometime.
All the other dreams had to deal with one person in various really random scenarios. Guess my subconscious misses people beyond what I’m aware. Strange thing is that I’m even having trouble mentally hearing you speak or visualizing you. It’s weird. I just want to see everyone again.
And…this week, and then California on Saturday, China on Monday. Bringing my Gretsch back as of today. No more guitars at home…but that’s all right. Maybe in the future.
Time passes too quickly. But what can you do? (Nap.)
*Excuse my incoherency. Throughout the months I’ve shifted my Tumblr use to mostly become a mobile thing, and proofreading is a huge pain. Anyhow this is really for me…so…yeah.
Thinking of moving to (back to?) WordPress…we’ll see, though. Maybe it’s just because I have all this tangible time on my hands right now, that I think the idea of cultivating a full-fledged blog again will be a good idea.
More to think about! But regardless, today has been nice. Went to sleep at almost 5am, got up naturally at about 11:30am (what is life), had lunch for 2 hours with a high school friend who I really haven’t caught up with for years, came home and webcam-ed with C (hey girlie :) do your DT! hehe), chatted with B for a while—who is in JORDAN of all places, how cool?—and am now headed downstairs to do the dishes and Pandora my heart out until my parents come home.
Anticipating a pretty chill evening of more Bible reading (if I can finish up to the end of Chronicles today, I will be happeee) and hopefully guitar some/mess with the camera some before evening falls. I should really also start figuring out how I’m going to fix my sleep schedule if I want to start running again, ack…
Anyway, this is what my ideal summer day would be. Catching up with no huge sense of urgency to leave one place and go another. I would never want this to last forever, but in the moment, it’s perfect.
Up at 9:30am, decided to skip a graduation in order to figure out Lightroom and get photos up for this evening’s banquet, showered and then ran off to Cafe Durant for lunch with CS, did some more photo editing at DL, trekked off to Wheeler/Greek Theatre for the Integrated Biology graduation, somehow got in even though the names had already been called, took more photos, whisked off to DL to do more photo editing and sorting, somehow managed to get to the banquet on Shattuck at 6pm, finished at 8pm, walked to First Presbyterian, joined the guys’ prayer meeting until 10pm, had a key scare with JL, walked home, and edited more photos, realized ALL MY COMPUTER SCIENCE GRADUATION PHOTOS ARE MISSING»>… …. …, had a minor breakdown, thought I recovered them with a file-finder program but actually didn’t, and am now very sad.
The pictures should be salvageable, having been originally saved on someone else’s laptop for the Sunday night banquet, but we’ll see…at this point, there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to upload any more photos if they’ll be out of chronological order, and it’s 2am now anyway, so I guess it’s time to retire for the night.
I am really, really exhausted. But tonight’s prayer meeting was pretty timely. I did choose to be here for all the graduations, and I did learn how to use a camera in order to take photos, and I have nothing to complain about—I love being busy as opposed to feeling like nothing has been accomplished in 24 hours. So. Intentionally taking more risks, trying to grow out of my immaturity that is attention-seeking and people-pleasing to find personal satisfaction/acceptance/comfort, and promising to be more bold but a little less outspoken. This never used to be a problem, I think? Or it was very well hidden for all these years. Anyway, there are many things to work both away from and towards.
Night :) tomorrow should be a little less hectic, but…another 9am graduation awaits.