Currently spending this beautiful Friday morning at Caffe Strada listening to All Sons & Daughters’ just-released live album…it captures such a raw sense of excitement and earnest passion. So good :)
Every time I see the year “2013” next to new albums on Spotify, it catches me off guard. We’re in the year 2013? I still feel like 2008 was just last year (basically I have thought Dark Knight was released “only 3 months ago!” for about 5 years), I still feel like high school was just last year. But then in a moment of pause, it comes back to blunt realization that two years have passed since I committed to Cal, since I visited for the overnight stay program and unpacked my luggage in U3’s Norton Hall and gaped at the sparkling water right outside my window, since I breathed in the Bay Area and could not believe that this was going to be my new home for four years.
Four semesters gone by, and I find myself in a completely different state of mind than I ever could have realized when I first came here. To note just one thing: yesterday, dealing with the aftermaths of one of my many recent cognitive planning failures (sigh), it hit me that the degree of conviction I feel towards things that would never have swayed my moral compass even a year ago is startling. And it hit me that my life is a lot richer as a result of the little ways God has helped me choose Him above my peripheral desires over the past few semesters, how He has shown me that there is a lot of joy in limiting myself for other people and in trusting Him. That, although I find myself discouraging on a regular basis, there has been something changing, and there has really been a Savior slowly picking up 18 years of mess and mending me, one shard of glass at a time.
In no way am I the person I wish I were, but moments like this, small pauses in my schedule that allow me to reflect and have a glimpse at really how much has already changed…I’m really thankful. I know this is a tired old subject that I keep repeating here, but it’s just so undeniably real and true, something that will never cease to amaze me. To think that God could take this self-destructing girl who found her only sense of atonement in punishing herself for her imperfections, into someone who can actually experience joy? Unreal.
Are your college years really the best in your life? Well, I still have halfway left of the journey to go, but I can confidently say that it is a resounding, YES, if you will take the risk and really give God the benefit of the doubt, the benefit of the doubt despite all the hypocritical tendencies of people in the world, and explore the idea that we are all equally broken people, and just see what amazing things He can work in your life.
Lord, I find You in the seeking
Lord, I find You in the doubt
And to know You is to love You
And to know so little else
Lord, I find You in the morning
Lord, I seek You every day
Let my life be for Your glory
Woven in Your threads of grace
I need You, oh, how I need You.